The Americans with Obesity Act
Fat friends and friends of the fat, a new future awaits us. Today, one-third of America — grown-up America — is obese. About 17 percent of our children and teens are also obese, which is triple the rate from a generation ago. If we triple again, we will all be obese. Even conservative estimates predict that by 2030 about half of men and women in the U.S. will be obese. However you look at it, big times are ahead.
That’s why, as a fat activist, I’m throwing my weight behind the newly proposed Americans with Obesity Act. It’s time to upsize our infrastructure. Our highways, our schools, our factories all need to expand to fit the 21st century.
I know we have our detractors — those who say we must lose weight. But the fat has left the station and private enterprise is on the cutting edge. Here in Orange County, for example, Disneyland upsized its Matterhorn ride. Instead of the old two-seat four passenger bobsled configuration the cars now have three individual wider seats in anticipation of our fast approaching wider times.
In transportation, personal airline seatbelt extenders and super-sized wheelchairs are now available for the fat community. And family cars, which have been growing for years, are now more than a foot wider than they were in the 1950s.
In end of life matters, Goliath Caskets, an Indiana-based firm has found a burgeoning market selling fat-friendly coffins up to 4 feet-wide and 8 feet-long — built to endure the demands of an 1008 pound corpse. Unfortunately, the rest of the “rest in peace” industry has yet to follow suit. Most hearses aren’t designed to carry these futuristic caskets, many crematoriums don’t have large enough doors to be able to burn fat, and burial plots are rarely supersized. It’s time to turn this kind of resistance around. America can’t be left behind. Our government needs the power to intervene insuring that will meet the demands of this expanding new world.
As the great American William S. Burroughs said, “Bigger is better and biggest is best.”
So often in history great causes have been won or lost at the last moment, because one side or the other lacked the will to see the way through to success. We can’t let this happen to us now. Tell your friends and neighbors. Support The Americans with Obesity Act. A bigger world awaits.
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